Cactus Juice and Truth in Negotiations
by SCWLC
Summary: This is to be treated like what you'd get if you got someone hyped up on caffiene after too little sleep. Total crack. If you made Zuko and Katara tell and do nothing but the truth about everything for a day straight, what would happen? Zutara.


Title: Cactus Juice and Truth in Negotiations

Author: SCWLC

Disclaimer: I own nothing here, except the things that are so crazy you know they came from the depths of a diseased mind.

Summary: Umm . . . if you made Zuko and Katara tell and do nothing but the truth about everything for a day straight, what would happen?

Rating: PG

Notes: Okay, so I have this thing about brainwashing and magic potions and anything that screws with a character's brain to make them come to the 'right' conclusion. Goodness knows I have a fondness for the boink-or-die NC-17 fanfics. You know the ones, "The evil space virus can only be purged if you sleep with Chakotay, Captain." "Well, it's a hardship, but I guess I'll just have to boink the hot Indian guy." Or similar variations on that theme, anyhow.

Not the point. I was contemplating various forced confessions and such, and . . . well . . . this came about. Um . . . the good thing, for those who like that kind of thing, is that it's Zutara?

* * *

So they'd brought the sandbenders into the worldwide peace negotiations. After all, everyone had to be represented at these and it wasn't fair to have either the king of Ba Sing Se or of Omashu speak for people who were so completely out of either's jurisdiction. They'd already had to do some pretty crazy things to get the swampbenders to agree to come, so whatever test of trust the sandbenders wanted was going to get done too. It was only fair.

The only problem was that so far, not one of the leaders was willing to do what the sandbenders wanted. Oh, they were willing to join if only two of the leading representatives in the talks performed in the test, but no one wanted to do it.

That was why the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation got nominated. They were the last two to show up, and by default, they were volunteered.

Neither Zuko, nor Hakoda were particularly enamoured of the notion. Zuko, rather gracelessly gave in, so Katara, in the spirit of not letting one of her friends suffer alone, asked if she could fill in.

"I'm a representative of the Southern Tribe," she explained, "But I'm also here as a liaison with the Avatar. So . . . I have influence both ways. Could that make up for it?" she asked.

After some quick consultation, the sandbenders had agreed. "The test," explained their leader, "Is one of truth. You are given our drink which distils the truth within you. First we ask you the questions which we feel are important to know your most truthful answers to, and then you are kept in a quiet place for half a day. At that time, nothing but the greatest truths you have kept hidden can be spoken and all are to hear this. For another half day you will be kept in the quiet place and after that time you will again be fully yourself."

Katara nodded. "I understand." She was a pretty truthful person, she thought. So there shouldn't be any particular stress to the matter. After all, she couldn't think of anything she'd be hiding. Looking around at all the politicians, however, she could understand why these people, dedicated to fibbing and working around the truth, if not outright lying, would want to avoid this.

Zuko shot her a raised eyebrow as she say down next to him on the ground, accepting a small cup of a pale, silvery liquid. "You seem a little too eager to do this."

"I don't have anything to hide," she said with a shrug.

As he so often had, Zuko took her words as a challenge. "Neither have I," he told her and downed the cup in a single gulp.

She glared at him, and drank hers down with much less flashiness. She had nothing to prove. As the sandbender came forward, she asked, "What is in this anyhow?"

"It's a distillation of cactus juice," he told her.

"What!" she said, eyes wide. But it was too late. She already felt odd.

Soon, the whole contingent was gathered around them, the delegates all wondering what the sandbenders would ask. The first questions were the expected ones. What were the intentions of the Water Tribes? The Fire Nation? Who could be trusted? Who couldn't be?

Feeling strangely detached, Katara answered every question with complete honesty. Her father could be trusted, but ultimately his first goal was the protection of his tribe. Chief Arnook could be trusted, but did not seem able to look beyond his tribe to the larger picture, a flaw shared by many in the Northern Tribes. Bumi could be trusted, but only if you knew what he was talking about because he played at being crazy. King Kuei was an unknown because she didn't know how his policies had gone now that he wasn't under Long Feng's thumb.

Zuko was entirely honourable and wouldn't lie, but he had a lot of conservative pressures on him that would make negotiations with him a lot more hardcore than he would wish to be as a person.

The Avatar was a child who had limited knowledge of the current socio-political climate and needed to be taken with a certain grain of salt because he was honest, wise and still only thirteen.

* * *

Zuko had downed his juice to get the mess he had been volunteered for over with. He was already feeling very odd when he heard Katara's response to the statement that it was derived from cactus juice. He wondered why she had reacted that way, but only in a muzzy sort of way.

He listened to her answering their questions about the negotiations and felt a general sense of appreciation for this tactic. It would guarantee that they knew a great deal about their opposition at the bargaining table that they otherwise could only have learned by experience.

They asked him the same questions as they had asked her, and he responded similarly. Hakoda was an honourable man who would do waht was necessary to make things work. He didn't know the Northern chief at all, but trusted Katara's assessment. Bumi wasn't faking; he was just plain crazy and should be treated as such. King Kuei was doing his best to be just, but was struggling the same as Zuko to figure out how to balance justice with the real life problems of administering to thousands of people.

Katara was one of the most honourable people he'd met, and whatever she did, she always did with the intention of doing the right thing.

Then they were collected and dumped into a room alone together to wait out the half day. Zuko was vaguely aware he should be worried about what he was going to say when the effect reached its peak, but he couldn't bring himself to feel concerned.

"How do you feel?" he asked Katara. "Why were you so upset about the drink being made from cactus juice?"

"Sokka had cactus juice one time when we were lost in the desert," she said. "He said some crazy things. I don't want to start running around seeing giant worms trying to dance or something."

"He saw giant worms dancing?" Zuko asked. "This is really interesting. You never told me about that."

"He didn't, but first he started rambling about how quenchy it was, then he lay down and wriggled everywhere like he was a worm. Then he thought he saw a giant friendly mushroom."

"That's weird," Zuko said. He was again aware that something wasn't . . . right about all this, but it seemed only natural to just say whatever was on his mind. "How can a mushroom be friendly?"

Katara grinned at him. "I don't know. I was so worried about us dying and Aang running off to find Appa and if Appa was okay that I didn't think of that then."

"How did you lose Appa?" he asked, curiously. "I remember when I rescued him in Ba Sing Se, I wondered how he'd wound up under Lake Laogai."

* * *

They talked for hours. Katara could never recall having a conversation with anyone that flowed so easily. They told each other everything. She told him all about everything that had happened to her since she'd found Aang in the iceberg, he told her all about what it was like chasing them. Any time either one felt something – hurt, amusement, confusion, it didn't matter what – they said so and then they'd talk about that.

Hours and hours later, she felt like she knew Zuko better than she'd ever known anyone else before ever. It was an amazing feeling. She told him so.

Zuko looked at her with that open happiness he'd had for the last couple hours and said, "I feel that way too. I never told anyone half this stuff. Not Mai, not even Uncle."

Then they hugged. It was very nice. He was good at that. "You're very good at hugging," she informed him, and snuggled closer.

"You too," he said. "Your hair smells nice."

"It does?"

"Yes."

A few more hours passed and they talked about the experience of hugging each other. Hugging other people. How hugging was different from other forms of contact. Like kissing.

Zuko looked very seriously at her. "When my sister attacked us at the temple and you pulled me onto Appa, I wanted to kiss you."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you looked so beautiful and you'd just rescued me, and because I really like you."

"I like you too."

"Why didn't you say anything before?" he asked.

She sighed. "Lots of reasons. I thought you thought of me as just a peasant. I thought you liked Mai and I didn't want to say anything because you don't do that when someone's got a girlfriend already. I was scared you wouldn't like me back, and then I'd be embarrassed."

"Wow," he said. "That's almost exactly the same reason I never told you before either. Except . . . y'know, boyfriend instead of girlfriend, because of Aang."

"I really want to kiss you right now," she told him.

"I want to kiss you too."

So they did.

* * *

They kissed a lot for a long time. In between kisses they said a lot of things, not all of which made sense, but they seemed really honest.

Zuko decided he liked this honesty thing because he hadn't ever gotten to kiss Mai this much. Admittedly, part of that was that he'd never been locked in anywhere with her for twelve hours straight. However, another part was that she got bored if they didn't start doing something else she thought was interesting eventually. He said this to Katara, who informed him that if Mai was getting bored with this, there was clearly something wrong with her besides being perpetually dull.

It was then that the door was opened and two of the sandbenders came in, pried them apart, and dragged them out.

In front of the entire gathered group, Zuko loudly protested. "But I was enjoying kissing Katara. I'd almost gotten her shirt off!" He looked over at Hakoda and Sokka, standing side-by-side. "That's an odd shade of purple. Are you both okay? I know you're angry that I was kissing her, but she wanted me to, she said so."

Katara added, "It's fine, Dad. Sokka, I know I can't convince you of anything, but I'll tell you it's fine because I have to at least _try_ even though I know you're going to use that boomerang you have a creepy attachment to, to try and hurt Zuko even though he's your friend and I want to be his girlfriend."

"What?" said Aang, looking aghast. "But Katara, I thought we were dating!"

"We were," she said complacently. "But I was lying to myself because you're a powerful bender and Aunt Wu said I'd marry a powerful bender and I thought I _should_ be your girlfriend because I _should_ be interested in you since you're the Avatar. Also, I thought I didn't have a chance with Zuko so I had to look somewhere else."

Zuko looked him up and down and said, "Anyhow, you're only thirteen. What makes you think Katara, who's fifteen, would be interested in you like that. I mean, she's like your mother."

"I never thought of that," Katara said, her eyes wide. "You're right!" she exclaimed, and kissed Zuko, informing him it was a reward she wanted to give him for being right and very smart.

"Do you have anything about these negotiations that you think needs mentioning?" one of the sandbenders said, clearly trying to keep from bursting into laughter.

Zuko thought for a minute. "With the end of the war, the Fire Nation doesn't have any industry left and we have too many soldiers who have no work. We've entered a recession and too many payments in recompense and we'll wind up beggared and needed assistance to keep my people from starving. I'm already going to have to pay an arm and a leg in imports to keep the capital from grain riots."

Katara spoke up. "The Northern Water Tribe has had the smallest number of losses in the last eighty-five years and should have the smallest recompense from the Fire Nation since they don't need it. My people will also only need so much help simply because after all the Fire Nation raids there aren't enough of us left to need large amounts of support, which we should be getting from our sister tribe." She looked at Chief Arnook. "Wow. You've turned the same shade of purple as Dad. You know, I think it would make a good dress colour."

"Anything else?"

Katara smiled at the sandbender. "I think this is a good idea. Actually, I think everyone should have to negotiate like this so that everything is entirely fair all the time because people will have to honestly say what's fair and what they need, not make things up for good bargaining position."

They covered many more things that didn't win either of them any friends in the gathered crowd. Eventually they wound down, however, and chorused. "That's all." Then Katara looked at Zuko and smiled. She turned back. "So can we go back to the room now? I think Zuko wants to make love to me and I want him to too."

"Yes, please," Zuko said.

And that was what they did.

The chaos that ensued after that . . . well . . . that's not really part of this story is it? Socio-economic madness precipitated by carefully judged drug use isn't the best crackfic material.


End file.
